Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles

Los Angeles is on fire.  

Everybody here has either lost everything or knows someone who has.  It's a fucking nightmare, and I read really horrible things from people (supposed Christians) who say we deserve it.  They are gleeful at our loss.  This is the new normal, and in about a week the orange man takes over and it's going to get worse for us.  With these fires, along with the strikes, AEA's attack on our theatre community and AB5, LA theatre is almost dead.

I haven't blogged in a while, because my last one had all kinds of folks checking in on me.  I'm ok. 

I hope everybody had lovely holidays!  I was fighting with Unemployment to prove that I existed, and therefore we had a somewhat subdued Christmas for the kids because they suddenly didn't believe I existed, or if I did that I lived where I lived. But sense finally, this week, prevailed, and according to the state of California, I do actually exist.  Never mind that all my credit cards are behind and that my credit is crap now.  I have won!  hurrah

I always have trouble in the in-between times. I don't know how to live if I'm not onstage. This is probably an issue that would require a team of psychiatrists to solve, but I'm just going to slog through.  After I got back from Utah, I got COVID. Truth is, I probably got it there as it ran through the company in the last couple of weeks.  Then on Christmas, I succumbed to that awful flu that has been going around.  My immune system hasn't been the same since they ripped my kidney out of me 28 years ago. 

I auditioned for a lot of things on self-tapes, but didn't book anything.  This was quite depressing.  Hence, my previous blog.

You see, I always thought that I was special (so very special). My parents supported me unconditionally.  I was told when I was a teenager that I wouldn't have any trouble having a career as an actor.  I was supposed to be one of those people who defy the odds and not only make my living acting but even have to remember people when "I made it."  But my belief that I was special stretched beyond my career ambitions.  I always believed that I would win the lottery or be granted superpowers from some omnipotent being.  I still buy lottery tickets because I know I'm special.  I have yet to win, obviously, but maybe my specialness lies in my endurance. I still hope that I will be granted the powers of Thor if I just keep the hope alive. 

I started booking background work on these vertical form shows that are basically all you can submit for on Actors Access.  It's been a nice way to make money, since I'm clearly too old to get hired for any minimum wage job.  I applied to Target, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, BevMo, and countless other businesses looking for seasonal or permanent work, and they all sent me emails saying they didn't think I would be a good fit.  (aka, I'm old as fuck).

I think back to young Patrick in college who was so sure he would make his living acting because he had been told over and over that he wouldn't have a problem doing so...saying, "I don't need anything to fall back on, I'm going to be fine." And I never developed any other skill that might be useful.  My friends were all getting into computer stuff, now I can hardly update my browser.

So, I'm stuck on this path.  The path my 18-year-old-self set me on.  Perform or die.  Fortunately, I have booked a few jobs on these verticals, and I even have a day-player role coming up this week.  I feel like this format is wide open for those of us who can learn lines and actually act, so I'm hoping that I can climb this ladder and work my way into some leading roles and make some decent money. Maybe that's me just feeling special, but I desire to be king of the verticals.  Why not, it is definitely more achievable than winning the lottery or being granted superpowers.  

My next theatre job isn't until mid-March, so I am grinding to get whatever I can until then, and hopeful that I get some Shakespeare work this summer.  My Joe-job as Box Office Manager for Little Fish has been on hold for a year as we lost our space and have to jump through hoops to get permitted to perform again.  Literally no safety net happening. Just ask my creditors.

Anyway, the city is on fire, creditors are knocking down our doors, and I don't have anything lined up yet for the summer.  But we have a roof and food, which is more than a lot of Angelinos have right now.  There but for the Grace of God, as my mom used to say.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pride and Preparation

Image
  My first show of the week was a 2 PM matinee of Much Ado About Nothing on Monday.  So, I aimed to get there at 12:30 because I am a psycho.  So, I rolled into my dressing room around then and my dresser, Madison, asked if I needed help with my costume track.  I thought maybe she was joking, because we've done the play 53 times.  But then she saw my confusion and told me that Henry was sick, and I had to go on for Leonato.  Then I checked my phone and had several missed calls and texts which happened in the seven minutes it takes me to drive from my amazing housing to the theatre. (I'm not joking, my housing this year is incredible.  Plus, I have the best roommate in the world.  I really feel as if I won the lottery).   A second later, my Angel, Tanya poked her head into the dressing room and confirmed that I would indeed be going on for Leonato in 90 minutes.   Here's a little backstory for this weekly adventure.  When I...
Read more

I love you and durst commend a secret to your ear

 This summer is flying by, and I realize I've not really updated my blog in ages.  So, to my four loyal readers, my sincere apologies.  I haven't played supporting roles since grad school, so it was an adjustment at first. In many ways, they are much more difficult to play than leads. For instance, when you play most leading roles, there is plenty of dialogue to let you know who this person is you are playing. There's also a lot more action to give you things to do. But there is a certain amount of freedom that comes with that as well.  As the summer wears on, I am finding some new things about both of my characters.  In Henry VIII, I am playing Sir Thomas Lovell.  I believe I have about seven lines, but I am onstage for the entire show. Also, my character is incredibly high status in the kingdom and his name may be mentioned more than anybody else in the play. He was clearly an important man in the kingdom, and Shakespeare and Fletcher show that with his c...
Read more

The first day of school feeling

Image
 I've been at the Utah Shakespeare Festival for two weeks, and it's been a whirlwind.  I was talking to my angel, Tanya Searle, during a break today and we were both amazed that it's been two weeks.  Of course, for me, I've felt like it's the first few days at a new school where everybody knows each other, and nobody knows who I am.  However, those first day jitters have been taken away by the lovely people here.  I've been welcomed with open arms.  Given a seat at the table and been encouraged to be a partner in this process.  By everybody, directors, actors, administrators, designers, choreographers.  It's sort of like dying and going to the heaven I hope exists.  A beautiful Shakespeare festival that is loving, welcoming, and filled with ridiculous talent!! I love the characters I am playing in Much Ado and Henry VIII, and I especially love that I am doing Henry VIII.  My new friend, Topher, who is playing Henry commented on how lucky...
Read more